"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees"
-Emilio Zapata
It's been almost two weeks since I graduated from the nightmare I call high school but I'm still in denial. It feels like I graduated for someone else, like I practiced for the real thing. But no, the reality is, I'm done. No more exams I have to procrastinate for, no more college applications (for now), no more saying goodbye to people I have no intention of missing.
The thing about graduation- I can't remember most of what happened that night. I know I put on the blue cap and gown in the afternoon, I know I walked to receive my diploma and I remember the trip to the enchiladas at 11:30 p.m. What I don't remember are the emotions that I thought I would feel after seeing countless movies where flashbacks happen of high school memories, I honestly thought I was going to cry and miss it. But when I sat among my peers, I didn't feel sad, actually I didn't feel anything. I thought I had missed the whole point of high school- making amazing memories, countless adventures, meeting mysterious people in detention, getting hit with a burrito during a school lunch war. Then I realized two things:
1) Movies over exaggerate high school. No I never got asked to prom all romantic and whatnot, but so what? Prom sucked aaaaaass. Don't begin to boo me and throw things but honestly it's true. Sure I had a blast with my friends taking silly photos in the booth but the only difference between prom and a school dance is how expensive all that shit is.
It's like a regular school dance except more glitter. In the movies they also have this cliched idea that the 'popular' people rule the kingdom... I find that to be incredible hilarious because growing up the only thing those people were popular for was hiding behind a staircase or on their knees *waits for you to get my reference*. The only people who I saw running the school like it was their business was the ever chaotic ASB and 4.3 babes. SO BASICALLY... high school is a real let down. Cafeteria Wars? Just no. The janitors have to clean up after your dumb ass because it wanted to 'be cool'- don't be an asshole.
2) Highschool was not my time to shine. But it began the second I stepped off that campus. I was never the bottom of the barrel. I wasn't meant to sink there. But I also was never the shining star of anything. High school was never meant to be my stage. (And I'll tell you why in a bit) Sure I had my fair share of high school and it was bittersweet, and to be honest I did enjoy every hardship and struggle along with my every so often twenty seconds of courage... because it wasn't like a movie, it was real life. I made a fool of myself a lot, taking drama class freshman year and having no real balls to follow through with it ( I passed with an A- after acquiring said balls). I made real friends and the drama that came with their boyfriends, oh yea that drama is real. I made a best friend that took nobody's shit and plays like the toughest girl I know. I first hand witnessed the obsession with a band (The Smiths) and holy shit that's intense. I went through a mental illness know n as depression which I didn't know was possible for teenagers until I went to treatment and found out a lot of other kids my age are fighting their own battles. The weirdest shit happened to me too. I was asked to homecoming by this guy only to figure out I had a thing for girls. And I still laugh about that awkward situation to this day. Why am i such an awkward flop for a child? Anyways, oh and by the way girls are an entirely different fucking world and holy jesus it's a relieve having realized I don't have to fuck a dude.
But the real reason I know high school wasn't meant to be my time to shine was because that was my chance to figure out who I wasn't. I am not a well spoken pothead (trust me it's creepy, but they exist, and it wouldn't kill anyone to befriend them) but I am a stubborn druggie addicted to life and its moments of adrenaline, I am not meant for the theater but I'm meant for center stage, I may not be the best at art but I can damn well produce and direct and entire movie in the depths of my imagination, I may not be a social butterfly but I learned silent but powerful connections is way cooler. I'm meant for bigger things than high school, whose memories and pulse die when we walk off the stage.
After realizing those two things, the quote in the senior speech and the background music of my life began to kick in. That part of life is over, yes we can turn to a new fresh page and begin this new idea. My Life.
1) Movies over exaggerate high school. No I never got asked to prom all romantic and whatnot, but so what? Prom sucked aaaaaass. Don't begin to boo me and throw things but honestly it's true. Sure I had a blast with my friends taking silly photos in the booth but the only difference between prom and a school dance is how expensive all that shit is.
It's like a regular school dance except more glitter. In the movies they also have this cliched idea that the 'popular' people rule the kingdom... I find that to be incredible hilarious because growing up the only thing those people were popular for was hiding behind a staircase or on their knees *waits for you to get my reference*. The only people who I saw running the school like it was their business was the ever chaotic ASB and 4.3 babes. SO BASICALLY... high school is a real let down. Cafeteria Wars? Just no. The janitors have to clean up after your dumb ass because it wanted to 'be cool'- don't be an asshole.
2) Highschool was not my time to shine. But it began the second I stepped off that campus. I was never the bottom of the barrel. I wasn't meant to sink there. But I also was never the shining star of anything. High school was never meant to be my stage. (And I'll tell you why in a bit) Sure I had my fair share of high school and it was bittersweet, and to be honest I did enjoy every hardship and struggle along with my every so often twenty seconds of courage... because it wasn't like a movie, it was real life. I made a fool of myself a lot, taking drama class freshman year and having no real balls to follow through with it ( I passed with an A- after acquiring said balls). I made real friends and the drama that came with their boyfriends, oh yea that drama is real. I made a best friend that took nobody's shit and plays like the toughest girl I know. I first hand witnessed the obsession with a band (The Smiths) and holy shit that's intense. I went through a mental illness know n as depression which I didn't know was possible for teenagers until I went to treatment and found out a lot of other kids my age are fighting their own battles. The weirdest shit happened to me too. I was asked to homecoming by this guy only to figure out I had a thing for girls. And I still laugh about that awkward situation to this day. Why am i such an awkward flop for a child? Anyways, oh and by the way girls are an entirely different fucking world and holy jesus it's a relieve having realized I don't have to fuck a dude.
But the real reason I know high school wasn't meant to be my time to shine was because that was my chance to figure out who I wasn't. I am not a well spoken pothead (trust me it's creepy, but they exist, and it wouldn't kill anyone to befriend them) but I am a stubborn druggie addicted to life and its moments of adrenaline, I am not meant for the theater but I'm meant for center stage, I may not be the best at art but I can damn well produce and direct and entire movie in the depths of my imagination, I may not be a social butterfly but I learned silent but powerful connections is way cooler. I'm meant for bigger things than high school, whose memories and pulse die when we walk off the stage.
After realizing those two things, the quote in the senior speech and the background music of my life began to kick in. That part of life is over, yes we can turn to a new fresh page and begin this new idea. My Life.
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