The Truth About Loneliness

       Her words once again resonated in the little echoes that form inside battered chests and brains. Me siento sola. It's not important whose words they were, only that they sat inside me. Como un sabor amargo y conocido. There are no books, or words of wisdom, or any kind of sage that i could light and walk around with in the garden, that could possibly contain the truth of loneliness. Nobody tells you it feels like someone is ripping your skin off, revealing the silhouettes of people that forgot to write you back, and the hiccups of half completed songs and sentences you never carried out. Desnuda pero te dejan el olor de mil colores. But in the moments we birthed our happenings and forgot to think about the tomorrows, I forgot to think about the tiny cracks, that if left untouched would not heal on their own. I have yet to find a plaster thick enough to cover all my wounds.

part I.
       Being that I am afraid to settle for a life that I will not be happy with, I have yet to understand if I am moving on from the bitter taste in my mouth or just becoming used to it. It's difficult sometimes to separate the "this is not enough" from the "more than good enough-wonderful". The adventures that lie a few thousand miles away in the drivers seat of a beat up and faded forest green jeep cherokee classic ( i have to be specific because this one goes in the list of "more than good enough") will be with people of golden hearts strung together for a life of stories and weekly dinner gatherings in my backyard with lights gently hung across the patio and food for everyone. There are millions of beating hearts that I've never met and probably never will, but it is the feeling of traveling and being with the people I love that will not leave me wondering if one of those souls will fit with mine, because I don't want that to be one of the million and one reasons I haven't found a piece of laughter to keep in my pockets.

part II.
Wilted flowers breathe in her scent and exhale all memories they will never relive. hey hey hey. there are multitudes of universes inside of all of us so how is it that we choose to stay in one? I think this may be the root of my loneliness. Toma la vida por las greñas. Hear those earthly veins rip from the ground and plant yourself in a soil much darker and richer, for your sake and mine.