"She also said that people who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out the way they want."~ Stephen Chbosky
*Perks of Being a Wallflower*
*Perks of Being a Wallflower*
[Just another short rant. It helps clear my head.]
And the summer blues continue. I start school in two weeks and I realize I didn't do anything besides sleep in and indulge on the little things. I became a Netflix junkie with shows like the ever famous OITNB (Orange is the New Black) & Grey's Anatomy. I even forgot about all my stress. So why is it that my mind and body are happy but the little thump thump in my chest tells me it's missing a huge chunk? How should I be looking at the lack of strenuous activity? I don't know whether to be happy that I'm finally being kind to my body or desperate for a busy day. I guess I'm just not used to doing nothing all day long.
Buuuuuuuuut, the one thing that did keep me sane and calm were these babies ^^^ BaBOOM! (The books above I mean). My John Greenies as I call them, got me through an entire summer... until I got through all the books I'd bought in less than two weeks. I was so hungry for an adventure that I simply wouldn't get since I still have yet to grow a pair to get my license and my best friends have classes, that I devoured each book until the early hours of the morning.
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. So anyways, I learned quite a bit about reading an interesting batch of books this summer starting with, The Perks of Being a Wallflower~ by Stephen Chbosky (interesting fact: he wrote the screenplay for the ever famous musical Rent), for starters I can relate to some of the characters and that scares me a bit. Starting with Mary Elizabeth.
Mary Elizabeth was part of the group of friends that Charlie, the main character, had befriended. And one time, she asked Charlie if he wanted to go to the Sadies dance with her which struck me quite odd. You see Mary Elizabeth is not the type of girl who worries about dances, or boys, or pathetic love stories- she's too buys cracking social issues, running the Rocky Horror Picture Show with her friends, and reading a whole mess of books that will never settle her thirst for knowledge. She's a figure of female empowerment and when she asked Charlie out I had a sudden thought that maybe she put up that tough wall of "I don't do stupid boys and stupid dances" because maybe she never got asked out, maybe she always waited for the right boy but they never asked her to the dance because she scared the boys with her brilliant intellect and boys only wanted a pretty girl.
And then I come across this quote ^^^ and the universe explodes in my head. When she started dating Charlie she controlled what he read, the phone calls, the opinions, she never left him alone and by the end of that relationship she was so caught up in controlling him that Charlie was no longer in the relationship and it was just down to Mary Elizabeth and herself. And I understand why now. She felt that if she wasn't in control, everything would fall apart and she would reveal weakness- something she wasn't used to. She decided like she didn't like dances because then she could pretend the reason boys didn't ask her out was because she was in control of that situation, and she asked Charlie out to the Sadie Hawkins dance because she controlled if she was able to go or not. And I think that's very sad. The universe in my head ached for a while after reading this book.
I understood why I related to this quote and why it scared me. I used to think I was a complete brat trying to take charge of what I did, when I did it, and how I wanted to do it, and when I realized I wanted to be in charge of what I did and not leave things up to fate, there were obstacles trying to prove me wrong. For example, my significant other, a while back I overthought how life would be in the future if we weren't in control, and at the moment I was the only one fighting to keep up sane and keep us together, the other person on the other hand seemed to be floating with the current. I like people who are in control of their fate, and like being around their confidence because it gives me confidence. And if the person doesn't have the same goals in life and just leaving things up to fate- I don't get along very well with those kinds of people. If my vision is blurred and I need guidance of course ill take a swim in the current to clear thoughts and consider my options but I will not let it carry me away. For my significant other, I really hope they begin to fight to keep our team together because I will not work my butt off to have them just sit and watch and do nothing.
Buuuuuuuuut, the one thing that did keep me sane and calm were these babies ^^^ BaBOOM! (The books above I mean). My John Greenies as I call them, got me through an entire summer... until I got through all the books I'd bought in less than two weeks. I was so hungry for an adventure that I simply wouldn't get since I still have yet to grow a pair to get my license and my best friends have classes, that I devoured each book until the early hours of the morning.
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. So anyways, I learned quite a bit about reading an interesting batch of books this summer starting with, The Perks of Being a Wallflower~ by Stephen Chbosky (interesting fact: he wrote the screenplay for the ever famous musical Rent), for starters I can relate to some of the characters and that scares me a bit. Starting with Mary Elizabeth.
*Character rant in 3..2..1..
Mary Elizabeth was part of the group of friends that Charlie, the main character, had befriended. And one time, she asked Charlie if he wanted to go to the Sadies dance with her which struck me quite odd. You see Mary Elizabeth is not the type of girl who worries about dances, or boys, or pathetic love stories- she's too buys cracking social issues, running the Rocky Horror Picture Show with her friends, and reading a whole mess of books that will never settle her thirst for knowledge. She's a figure of female empowerment and when she asked Charlie out I had a sudden thought that maybe she put up that tough wall of "I don't do stupid boys and stupid dances" because maybe she never got asked out, maybe she always waited for the right boy but they never asked her to the dance because she scared the boys with her brilliant intellect and boys only wanted a pretty girl.
And then I come across this quote ^^^ and the universe explodes in my head. When she started dating Charlie she controlled what he read, the phone calls, the opinions, she never left him alone and by the end of that relationship she was so caught up in controlling him that Charlie was no longer in the relationship and it was just down to Mary Elizabeth and herself. And I understand why now. She felt that if she wasn't in control, everything would fall apart and she would reveal weakness- something she wasn't used to. She decided like she didn't like dances because then she could pretend the reason boys didn't ask her out was because she was in control of that situation, and she asked Charlie out to the Sadie Hawkins dance because she controlled if she was able to go or not. And I think that's very sad. The universe in my head ached for a while after reading this book.
I understood why I related to this quote and why it scared me. I used to think I was a complete brat trying to take charge of what I did, when I did it, and how I wanted to do it, and when I realized I wanted to be in charge of what I did and not leave things up to fate, there were obstacles trying to prove me wrong. For example, my significant other, a while back I overthought how life would be in the future if we weren't in control, and at the moment I was the only one fighting to keep up sane and keep us together, the other person on the other hand seemed to be floating with the current. I like people who are in control of their fate, and like being around their confidence because it gives me confidence. And if the person doesn't have the same goals in life and just leaving things up to fate- I don't get along very well with those kinds of people. If my vision is blurred and I need guidance of course ill take a swim in the current to clear thoughts and consider my options but I will not let it carry me away. For my significant other, I really hope they begin to fight to keep our team together because I will not work my butt off to have them just sit and watch and do nothing.
I wonder if my rants make sense to other people? Can people relate to my rants? They make me feel better and I better understand myself and my thoughts. Rants are just lovely.
Sincerely, the Resilience of a Teenager
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