Lazy Summer.

       To tell you the truth I haven't really done anything productive this summer. I think it's the lack of big time college jitters. You see, I was supposed to go to this amazing art school called Columbia College Chicago and I had been talking about it nonstop for so long I think I had begun to give everyone a headache with my excitement. The plan was to attend this once in a life time opportunity, because for a small town girl like me, it seemed like big time chances like that didn't come to people like me. When I first applied I thought I would never receive a big YES from the college let alone a reply back, but one struggling Monday just as I was about to start another dragging day of senior year, that YES came. It never occurred to me that once I had the opportunity within grasp that someone would come back and snatch it back. But someone did. It happened. And sitting now on my tiny little bed I think of how I was supposed to be on a flight a week ago today to move into my dorm and breathe that new Chicago air. Instead, my spirit is still black and blue from having missed such an amazing opportunity just because my parents decided they weren't prepared to take a big risk just like I had, turning down another good school with almost a full scholarship for the little window of opportunity I had to attend Columbia.

       Now, as much as it has pained me to accept that I won't be stepping onto any prestigious campus this fall, I am fully aware the my education must continue. Community College was never the plan, but it's the best I can do for now. I can't give up, my ideas and headstrong spirit are far too bright and fresh to be giving up this early in life and especially wasting them on some glum idea that I'm stuck at Rio Hondo for the next two years. I am transferring of course because there is no way I am staying in a place that is not meant for my restless and creative spirit (I know this how this makes me sound but my attitude is all I've got to get me through, I've got to keep my head high~I have to survive this.) but until then, I am prepared to make the best of these two years. I know that I have some resentment for this school because it's not up to my standards of art school material and I'm still angry that I'm stuck in this town for two more years but at least there's a few things that I have realized are not so bad about this minor set back.

       Like I said, I haven't done anything productive this summer due to the college blues but doing absolutely nothing has some benefit... some. I get to sleep in for once in my life, not whenever I want but at least I feel I've caught up on well deserved sleep I needed in high school. All that stress came with bad sleeping hours but now I don't have to worry about life changing moments the next day. Another pretty positive thing is that my late reading habits have come back. I missed those. During high school I had no time to read for leisure, it was all forced so I pushed it away. Now I can read in the peace and quiet of my bedroom and my stack of books are devoured like the fifth grader in me that couldn't fill up the hunger of books. Did I mention that I also became a Netflix junkie and I had no worries of over loading on television because my brain didn't need to study for a final the next day or turn in homework labs for Biology AP. I became a fanatic for two main shows this summer : Orange Is The New Black and Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy is my favorite because it get's me excited for the volunteer program I'll be starting soon, and all the drama has me at the edge of my seat. 

       After watching Grey's Anatomy for the millionth time this week, I realized that the volunteer program would help me a bit, a lot actually. Behind the friendships and the hookups and the backstories I realize that working in a hospital keeps people constantly busy and maybe the stress of work could wear a person down. I'm bringing this up because my significant other recently told me that their mother had a disliking towards me. She didn't know me personally and I'm not going to talk about why she doesn't like me but it bugged me because I usually stay out of parental radars. Someone once told me if you don't know them personally, don't take it personally. But this is the mother of my (maybe future) significant other and that's not really starting off well. And the reason the volunteer opportunity ties into this is because the person's mother is a nurse and so I thought maybe if by the time I met her I could have something to talk about with her. Maybe she'd dislike me bit less if I helped simply by doing the tedious work the people in the hospital do when they could be doing other things but can't but there's other tedious tasks like maybe doing laundry, cleaning and tidying up, making beds, even taking care of pee pans for them anything that I could possibly do to make their day easier. Maybe if she knew I just wanted to help people with the smallest of tasks she would dislike me less.

       This volunteer program actually has me excited. Well, more like interested in that field. I've always liked helping people and animals but since I've already had a job experience in two dog shelters I think it's my time to help humans. I'm not experienced to help a person in a big way like surgeons and nurses do but I can do stuff, stuff that they might not want to do and that an 18 year old volunteer can do. Like I said I'm up for anything. I really like kids too. So I'm hoping maybe around the holidays I can help decorate like for Christmas and cheer people up, oh boy I do love Christmas. Um, maybe I'm getting too far ahead of myself seeing as nobody has bothered to call me about the volunteer program. yet. 

I think what I truly miss is my friends. I haven't gone a day without them and three months is too much. Band camp was something to look forward to back in the day but the only thing I've got to look forward to this fall is feeling busy and channeling my inner Christina (*it's a Greys Anatomy reference) to get through the classes. Will I actually enjoy them? I don't know. I just hope to make the best of it, maybe hopefully make some friends. AAAaaaaagh. That's a problem.

From day one, I didn't really have to make friends because I was always the shy one and got included in everything by my really great group of friends and even when I went to high school my friends were already processed and kinda chosen for me. This is because of band~ if you were in band at my school you automatically became friends with the band kids and if you had any friends outside band you usually grew apart from them most of the time. Friends came easily because you got to choose from the batch or because I'd had this tight knit group of friends since the sixth grade and they were the ones who made friends so they just started talking to me. Do you see? Or maybe it's all in my head and I really did make friends but I just started freaking out for no reason. Hmm I'll just put what social skills i believe i acquired in life and use them to make friends. Woo. 

Also my classes start at the crack of dawn and I am terrified to take the bus.

Sincerely, the Resilience of a Teenager