~Merry Christmas!! ^-^~
~If only my Hogwarts letter had arrived when I was twelve, this is the Christmas I would have celebrated- was I not a talented enough witch? Oh the questions I would have if this world wasn't fictional (it's real in my heart so that's all that matters) ^-^~
It's beginning to look alot like Christmas, the smell of pine trees in the air, the nostalgic holiday music in the shops, the sparkle of the house lights and blow up reindeer sitting on people's dewey lawns, the smells of hot chocolate and mexican foods and pastries >.< It's my favorite holiday as you can tell, I find it the most magical, as if our world has stepped into another universe full of good tidings and new memories. It makes me so happy that I turn another year during these festive times~ december means nineteen years old. I'm still trying to figure out if that number scares me or not but so far it just means new adventures with old friends.
I remember when I was really little and my Christmas spirit was so bright it blinded the neighbors because it was so powerful. And then my thoughts had to question the existence of Santa, so that ended that. For an eight year old that was a midlife crisis because for little me, that was the begininning of a different kind of anxiety~ I didn't want to grow up to be a boring, grey, adult. So I believed in other things. I kid you not there was a few years as a child where I so hardcorely believed in faeries, but not the twinkle dust kind that just giggled and threw sneezy dust everywhere~ I mean the ones who built entire colonies in the forests of forgotten dreams and that only certain people who still believed got to witness the magic purely based on their existence. If you had met me then you would have thought me mad. And then there were the years where I didn't believe in anything which were probably the most lonesome years of my young life. Religion had rocked the boat too much for me~ it was too much of a tug of war battle between who and what I believed in so I dropped it and walked out. Things got better after that. Where was I going with this? Santa Claus and his elves. Hmm and then somehow I ended up here with the witchcraft~ which I kid you not, they have classes for at my local community college. I wonder what they teach.
Anyways, Christmas. It's been quite a December. First off, I finished my first semester at Rio college and I survived. The finals weren't so bad, I missed a few assignments here and there but you know what they say "old habits die hard". Ohgod my mind is so perverted I just thought of something so ridiculously perverted. I still laughed. Wow this year went by really fast.
So, a couple things have occured to me:
1. My curiosity gets the best of me. Takes over. Boom~ game over. Like this whole witchcraft thing, I'm the child in my group of friends that likes the creepy shit. This goes way beyond some of my friends heavy metal screaming songs they enjoy, or the 'black on black' clothing, or the introverted personalities (it's their thang, they enjoy it so ^.^) I'm the little me that binge watches youtube videos of ghost sighting that would normally scare the living hell out of those hardcore friends, or my obsession with horror films (those are the shit, best kind of films out there), I scour neighborhoods for houses that look haunted for crying out loud! I seriously want to live in a house that looks haunted but isn't and Netflix's 'An American Horror Story' um hello? Totally screams little me. And then there's my recent discovery of witchcraft~ not at all saying I'm going to mess with dark magic, or sell my soul because I love my soul thank you very much, but things like oiuja boards, little spells here and there, healing people, bringing good feelings~ that's what I would love to learn about. It seems so naturey and the fact that it's magic, curiosity will take over.
2. My recent spark of geeking out. I'm a terribly geeky person already but this is what makes me happy~ when I get to relive my childhood and take advantage of what I couldn't when I was younger a.k.a. Harry Potter. I was a die hard potterhead as a child but over the years I was out done by people who could afford all the books and the trinkets and the clothing, so I thought I wasn't a true fan. At heart I could go on and on but my piggy bank was not enought for pottering out. Then my financial aid came and I put it to good use~ I paid off my bills, bought everyone nice Christmas presents, and even treated myself to things that made me happy. Then I realized I didn't need to have all the trinkets to be a hard core potterhead. If it made me happy just hearing the soundtrack on youtube, it was enough. And then my family surprised me with Harry Potter birthday gifts and I fan girled so hard I think J.K. Rowling heard me. I got a Quidditch #7 Gryffindor jersey/hoodie!! How beautiful is that?? On top of that I recieved a Maurader's Map comfortor and then sneakily bought myself a potter backpack ^o^ This child turned half young adult is the happiest she's been in a long time. I'm finally more comfortable to just be geeky old me :3
3. Friends are growing apart. I was afraid of this happening, but I also didn't believe that it could happen to our friends because isn't that how alot of young people think? I mean some of us had known eachother since the third grade, it was supposed to be like in the movies where we all buy houses in the same town and even though we've all got our different lives and families and squishy cheeky cooing babies, that we would all be this big ol family that gathered around during the holidays and had bonfires and you know... family. I know that's not exactly how the story goes in real life but someone's got to keep that hope alive, so why not me? I choose to believe that our family is merely stretching and making our bonds stronger no matter the distance, but it's been six months and slowly friendships are turning into ghosts~ they're still there but the friendship has gone empty. And it's a handful, not the whole lot that's gone missing (although quite frankly i'm glad some of those 'friends' had disappeared) so there's still hope.
4. Also I've come to realize that when left alone for long periods of time I tend to live in my head~ I forget that other people have struggles and that other people might not be thinking or feeling the same as I. Where I might be having struggles doing simple things like taking the bus, others might not have to worry because they dorm or for them they don't worry about anxiety taking over daily; or how I might be having a grand old time learning to be independant and having little adventures here and there, others might be hating not having friends always there. Everyone's different and I need to start understanding that. I've learned to fend for myself and look after myself but I also need to start balancing other people's feelings too and their situations.
5. I learned a bit about myself during my first semester in college: Opposite of what I had thought, I can survive unpleasant situations and sometimes it gets me angry and frustrates but I suck it up (and cry about it later >.<) ~ one time a professor was fifteen minutes late and while I was patiently going to wait, everyone wished he didn't arrive on time, I don't understand, if you fought so hard to get this class why are you so keen on leaving, you have the opportunity to learn?? I mean you got the damn class everyone else was fighting for! Also, one of the few times it rained, I grumpily waited curled up in a cold hallway, no lunch, for three hours between classes. Boy was I a trooper. I felt like a cat that had been left out in the rain~ not to be messed with or my super grumpy claws would see the light of day. Apparently I won't die when I'm on my own whilst learning to become independent. Alright. Okay. I can learn to grow from this.
6. I'm beoming alot more comfortable with my body. So much that when people ask me if I want a medium warm cozy sweater (because they don't want to be rude) I tell them "...um. Noooo I would really enjoy an extra large ^o^" because there is not way in hell that I'm going to struggle putting on any comfortable clothes because hello. Comfortableness. I still get really self conscious when I look in a mirror but those thoughts always fade because my favorite person in the world always makes me feel comfortable with myself. Geri. Sometimes she will show up at my house and I will have my hair curlied up in a bun in pjs and I feel so messy but she wants nothing more than to snuggle. Self condfidence happened because of her. But she says it came from me just learning to love myself. Okay it's both. Now those unhealthy comments from my mother or sister no longer get to me as much. I brush it off the like crumbs that I swipe from the blanket i'm curled up in and continue enjoying my little piece of heavenly pie. Also my friend Natt's Zumba class helps to eat healthier so that might have something to do with it...
Well I'm back and hopefully with winter break and free time to do lots of creative shenenigans ( cough, cough, witchcraft and pottering out) I'll be writing alot more on this blog. Ugh, if I had my own room, a good quality camera, and a little more imagination I'd start up a YouTube channel, seriously I have too much free time on my hands >.<
It's beginning to look alot like Christmas, the smell of pine trees in the air, the nostalgic holiday music in the shops, the sparkle of the house lights and blow up reindeer sitting on people's dewey lawns, the smells of hot chocolate and mexican foods and pastries >.< It's my favorite holiday as you can tell, I find it the most magical, as if our world has stepped into another universe full of good tidings and new memories. It makes me so happy that I turn another year during these festive times~ december means nineteen years old. I'm still trying to figure out if that number scares me or not but so far it just means new adventures with old friends.
I remember when I was really little and my Christmas spirit was so bright it blinded the neighbors because it was so powerful. And then my thoughts had to question the existence of Santa, so that ended that. For an eight year old that was a midlife crisis because for little me, that was the begininning of a different kind of anxiety~ I didn't want to grow up to be a boring, grey, adult. So I believed in other things. I kid you not there was a few years as a child where I so hardcorely believed in faeries, but not the twinkle dust kind that just giggled and threw sneezy dust everywhere~ I mean the ones who built entire colonies in the forests of forgotten dreams and that only certain people who still believed got to witness the magic purely based on their existence. If you had met me then you would have thought me mad. And then there were the years where I didn't believe in anything which were probably the most lonesome years of my young life. Religion had rocked the boat too much for me~ it was too much of a tug of war battle between who and what I believed in so I dropped it and walked out. Things got better after that. Where was I going with this? Santa Claus and his elves. Hmm and then somehow I ended up here with the witchcraft~ which I kid you not, they have classes for at my local community college. I wonder what they teach.
Anyways, Christmas. It's been quite a December. First off, I finished my first semester at Rio college and I survived. The finals weren't so bad, I missed a few assignments here and there but you know what they say "old habits die hard". Ohgod my mind is so perverted I just thought of something so ridiculously perverted. I still laughed. Wow this year went by really fast.
So, a couple things have occured to me:
1. My curiosity gets the best of me. Takes over. Boom~ game over. Like this whole witchcraft thing, I'm the child in my group of friends that likes the creepy shit. This goes way beyond some of my friends heavy metal screaming songs they enjoy, or the 'black on black' clothing, or the introverted personalities (it's their thang, they enjoy it so ^.^) I'm the little me that binge watches youtube videos of ghost sighting that would normally scare the living hell out of those hardcore friends, or my obsession with horror films (those are the shit, best kind of films out there), I scour neighborhoods for houses that look haunted for crying out loud! I seriously want to live in a house that looks haunted but isn't and Netflix's 'An American Horror Story' um hello? Totally screams little me. And then there's my recent discovery of witchcraft~ not at all saying I'm going to mess with dark magic, or sell my soul because I love my soul thank you very much, but things like oiuja boards, little spells here and there, healing people, bringing good feelings~ that's what I would love to learn about. It seems so naturey and the fact that it's magic, curiosity will take over.
2. My recent spark of geeking out. I'm a terribly geeky person already but this is what makes me happy~ when I get to relive my childhood and take advantage of what I couldn't when I was younger a.k.a. Harry Potter. I was a die hard potterhead as a child but over the years I was out done by people who could afford all the books and the trinkets and the clothing, so I thought I wasn't a true fan. At heart I could go on and on but my piggy bank was not enought for pottering out. Then my financial aid came and I put it to good use~ I paid off my bills, bought everyone nice Christmas presents, and even treated myself to things that made me happy. Then I realized I didn't need to have all the trinkets to be a hard core potterhead. If it made me happy just hearing the soundtrack on youtube, it was enough. And then my family surprised me with Harry Potter birthday gifts and I fan girled so hard I think J.K. Rowling heard me. I got a Quidditch #7 Gryffindor jersey/hoodie!! How beautiful is that?? On top of that I recieved a Maurader's Map comfortor and then sneakily bought myself a potter backpack ^o^ This child turned half young adult is the happiest she's been in a long time. I'm finally more comfortable to just be geeky old me :3
3. Friends are growing apart. I was afraid of this happening, but I also didn't believe that it could happen to our friends because isn't that how alot of young people think? I mean some of us had known eachother since the third grade, it was supposed to be like in the movies where we all buy houses in the same town and even though we've all got our different lives and families and squishy cheeky cooing babies, that we would all be this big ol family that gathered around during the holidays and had bonfires and you know... family. I know that's not exactly how the story goes in real life but someone's got to keep that hope alive, so why not me? I choose to believe that our family is merely stretching and making our bonds stronger no matter the distance, but it's been six months and slowly friendships are turning into ghosts~ they're still there but the friendship has gone empty. And it's a handful, not the whole lot that's gone missing (although quite frankly i'm glad some of those 'friends' had disappeared) so there's still hope.
4. Also I've come to realize that when left alone for long periods of time I tend to live in my head~ I forget that other people have struggles and that other people might not be thinking or feeling the same as I. Where I might be having struggles doing simple things like taking the bus, others might not have to worry because they dorm or for them they don't worry about anxiety taking over daily; or how I might be having a grand old time learning to be independant and having little adventures here and there, others might be hating not having friends always there. Everyone's different and I need to start understanding that. I've learned to fend for myself and look after myself but I also need to start balancing other people's feelings too and their situations.
~
~Happy Holidays!!!
From Marmalade Crusade,
A Returning Hardcore Potterhead~ Marcia :3
No comments:
Post a Comment