Love Letters

Writing is a sweetness I will never tire of. Not at 5 am when the cold sky kisses your toes letting you know that brain full of magic and sleepy hair has once again escaped to a different world, and not when I have four different assignments due the next morning. It's probably my most favorite in the world, a different kind of warmth I feel for words that always trip and faint out of my mouth. Truthfully I stopped writing because I began to believe I wasn't enough, I am enough. I wrote love letters, hogwarts acceptance letters (in green marker for slytherin and yellow for hufflepuff), grocery lists, reasons to attend university despite various attempts at sitting on my anxiety, self love reminders, 'checking in' notes, scribbled encouragements, last minute birthday cards, and several 'I miss you' long distance notebook entries. I have also gone through heartbreak; am going through it- at least have started to embrace it anyways. Love letters have always been that gapped tooth in my mouth, always missing something even if everything was there. Healing is now part of this ongoing process and you may come see me navigate very awkwardly and wonderfully this tender heart of mine. As promised I will share with you the very love letters I wrote to her: the ones I never sent, the ones I regret not giving to her. My pain is a faint color like when you dip your brush for too long after sitting in red, like you purposely sat in the color too long and began to worry it wasn't looking good on you and then decided to let it fade. Well I can't let it fade, my insides feel swollen and sad.